Peaches and Cream
Black Cream
Red Treehorse
Green #6
Lavender Fingers
O’Reilly
Though you may despise me, I don’t even have to try
I attract all types of anger, I attract all types of guys
And though it’s hard to tell where the anger stops, and
the admiration… begins
Because I know that you may all despise me,
The simple fact is you will want to be me in the end
Cause I’m the front guy, I’m the front guy
I may be big and white, but I’m the front guy
I’ve got all the chicks, I’ve got all the front part of
the stage…
…or the carpet, or whatever we’re playing on that night
And though the room may be filled with six or seven people
(yeah)
Half of them may be drunk, but you still want to be me
Cause I’m the front guy, I’m the front guy
Though I stand down in the sun and cry
I’m still the front guy, yeah I’m the front guy
You may think I’m sensitive about my looks, but I’m still
the front guy
It’s not hard to tell where the anger starts, and
admiration stops
Though the crowd of six or seven dies down
Don’t you worry cause that’s where the beat drops…
I’m the front guy, yeah I’m the front guy
I’m always the one who gets drunk or high
I can’t take it, I won’t make it I’m the front guy
Yeah I’m the front guy, the front guy….
Front guy (x3), I’m the one
(reprise)
I’m the front guy, I’m the front guy
There’s no reason I should stand and cry
I may forget a line, I may forget a note
But I’m the one who’s got the package he’s got to tote,
the front guy
(master of blame! master of
blame!)
Last summer, when I went to Tibet
I was crossing some desert… I forget
Bumped into a man, he said he had a plan (for my life)
I followed him back to his hut, I looked at him take off
his robe
He had a nice shiny butt, and two pairs of crazy ear lobes
He looked at me in the eye and said, “Do you know who I
am?
I’m the Master of Blame… I’m the Master of Blame.
“Pick a problem in the world, I’ll tell you who’s fault it
is:
There’s a hole in the ozone, it’s because the President of
the United States uses hair spray
There’s a shortage of newspapers in Libya, it’s because
they have no toilet paper
There are no dogs in Vietnam, but you can get a steak 24
hours a day
There are people starving everywhere… but that problem’s
been solved
“We have got their food here, I’m the Master of Blame (faux
backing vocal: food here!), I’m the Master of Blame
You’ve come to the right place to get all the answers of
life:
Why isn’t there more sex on cable?
That one I don’t know….
“Ahhh… this is my story, I’m the Master of Blame
“There I was, many years ago, and everyone was blaming me
I decided to turn the tables on them
Now I’m the Master of Blame
I know who to blame for everything:
“You can blame rap music on the rappers
You can blame soul music on the soulsters
You can blame me, for everything else
“I am the Master of Blame
Don’t touch my guilt, it is the spark to my flame!
I’m the Master, I’m the bastard, I’m the Master
Of blame
The bastard
Of blame
I’m the Bastard of Blame”
(*various chicken sounds
throughout*)
Strange chicken
Strange poultry
Strange chicken
Strange poultry
[Part II, Strange Chicken:Directors’ Cut]
“Strange Chicken”, take one….
It’s, uh “Strange Chicken”, take two….
Clear the set… everyone, alright, gimme some lights…
Bring out the dancing girls… alright, come on, bring out
Tom Cruise….
I want to see some action! I want to see some… adventure!
Yeah, this is one strange chicken versus another… strange
chicken
1, 2, 3, 4... GO! (Skirt The Issue/Neighbor Fucker)
1, 2, 3, 4… GO! [ad infinitum, with confusion added by Treehorse]
Her name was Betty Sue, and I knew her
One day I asked what she liked to do
She said, (“I like to bitch!”)
“Come on down,
And let me show you my back”
Skirt the issue, Skirt the issue
Her skirt was the issue
My mother told me to look out for girls like that
If I was a mouse, she was a cat
She put her claw on my tail
And I would ride her to hell….
[at this point the phone rings, and the Tale of the
Neighbor Fucker is complete]
Strawberry, lemon-lime, sunny colored on my sidewalk
I wa… [dissolves into laughter]
[nineteen seconds of playing, dissolving into laughter
before beginning new verse]
[fifty nine seconds of light playing and discussion, as
well as a little full playing]
Strawberry, blueberry, taffy roll-up and caramel… wha…
[laughter dissolve number three… I hope you’re keeping count as there will be a
quiz later]
[suggestion is made that the song be re-titled “The Sugar
Candy Gay Factor”; thirteen additional seconds of playing]
Strawberry, blueberry, sugar lemon lime… hurh… [laughter]
Caramel on a… stuh… [laughter]
Happy-smiley-go-lucky, clouds in the sunshine caramuh…
[laughter]
[incoherent laughing-singing]
ON A STICK!!!!
IT’S THE SUGAR CANDY FACTOR
YOU DON’T GET IT EATING BROCCOLI!
Sun on my shoulder walking down the street
Pop rock in my pocket, never know when to knock it
Strawberry, blueberry, lemon lime, caramel rolled up on a
stick
Always looking for another [?boin?]
And when I think about the sad things in my life
I retreat to a place I can call my own
It’s the sugar factor, it’s the sugar factor… the sugar
candy factor
Blueberry, strawberry, sugar lemon lime, corn on a caramel
Rolled up in my pocket just makes me feel better
Nothing like a jolly rancher when I’ve sucked on it
Drop it down on my best friends’ sweater
And when I think of all the things that get me down
Like people beating up on me, or shooting me up
I retreat to a place they call the sugar candy factor
I repeat, never wanna find my never wanna sugar candy
factor
Sugar candy factor
Sugar candy factor
Sugar candy factor
My sugar candy factor
No one knows what kind of reactor…
My sugar candy factor
Sugar candy factor
(Beautiful!)
Never before, never again, never walk down the straight
line
Comin’ out the other side in the land of the lost
It’s rainin’ somethin’ fierce, don’t know what to do
All I know is how much this all costs
Never before, never again
Never thinkin’ what to do with my life
All I know is that I had an in
And I can’t help, but make it twice
Dinner’s comin’ up right about now
Thinkin’ about the things you told me
Dinner’s comin’ up right… ‘bought now
Thinkin’ about the things in my life
Never before, never again, walkin’… wanderin’ down the
street,
Wonderin’ what to do
Lookin’ for my car that I lost last night
Wonderin’ about “where are you”
If you’re thinkin’, are you double-crossed
I put my hand in my pocket and I get lost
Can you tell me which way to go
If you don’t I won’t make it to my show
Dinner’s comin’ up right about now
It’s eight o’clock and I’m getting on the bus, yeah
Dinner’s comin’ up right about now
All I know, IT’S TIME TO GET LOST!
Dinner’s comin’ up and I’ve found the right way to go
Dinner’s comin’ up and I’m on it now, and I know which way
to go
Dinner’s comin’ up right about now
And you’re thinking that it’s time to go
Dinner’s comin’ up, never thinkin’ about
Never know, never, way to go
Dinner’s comin’ up
Popular science might tell you that contrary to popular
belief
That asprin won’t heal psoriasis or mental fatigue
And popular science might not contribute to
The atom smashing capability of the human race
I can’t feel the need to second guess ourself
Popular beliefs might dictate that there are no places for
the
Dinosaurs when they came to Pearl Harbor
And any men [?never been with a?] trash can full of moon
pies
And [?]
I can’t figure out why there is nothing left but
The sound of a tree growing in the forest, has been
Destroyed by a fire
I can’t comprehend the way that I am put together
As if I were an hourglass, or switch, or made of wood
If there were… if there were thoughts left in the world
If there were sentiments left in the world, I might go
home
I might go home and cry
Can you tell me, can you tell me, can you tell me
I can’t… I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone home
In a tit
Can you tell me if I were made of glass
How many licks would it take to get to the center of a
lollipop
Can you say that I was, not made to drop?
If I were counting on the way that we might get together
In the backseat of my mind I might
Count on the fact that you were counting on me
And then I run, call your bluff
Why is it that there are no more stuffed animals on the
shelf?
Why is it that children don’t ever play together
anymore?
Why is it that we’re fascinated by technology,
tech-na-logy
Techno…lodgy?
Because the word is four syllables and it begins with the
letter
“T”, and when it ends with “Y” you ask… “why?”
I didn’t make the word, I just spelled it for you
And that you can remember and take to the bank
Because popular science dictates there are no more animals
That start with the letter “Q”
And popular science dictates that there are no more
vitamins
That begin with the letter “W” and end with the letter “G”
And that may be the end of mankind as we know it
If you call my name I won’t answer you, if you call my
name
WHAT!?
I won’t answer you….
Hey! Hey! Hey!
If you stand on the front steps of your house, your feet
will begin to buckle
If you stand for something more than the law, your feet
will begin to buckle
I happen to believe my feet are buckling, so I’m getting
down, I’m getting down
I’m getting down….
Who said the President’s dead?
Who said that the sun is sterile, the sky is blue?
Who said that peanuts are actually in the meat family?
Who said fresh fish is packaged at the store?
Who said the button is always on?
Who said the lights always are on?
Who said there’s not enough food in China?
Who said there’s no freedom in France?
Popular science would say that though the sun is close,
It’s not close enough
My dad used to say, “Son, don’t believe that crap,
You can’t believe everything you read”
I, however… think you can
There are ways to tell others how you feel
But when you write it down it doesn’t seem quite so real
So you might use some signs to turn it on
Maybe a exclamation point, or a question mark to turn your
life around
When I want to tell my friends how I really feel
My favorite punctuation is dangling particples
Dangling participles
It’s nothing like furry nipples
Yeah, dangling participles
When my friend Bobby has something at his house
I would put a little sign to let him know that it is his
And if I wanted to break up a phrase I’d use a comma
Even though I wouldn’t want to start any drama
But my favorite, yes my favorite
Is the dangling participle
It’s nothing like furry nipples
My dangling participles
Don’t [?put?] me on my lip’l
I’ve got a dangling participle
It’s not a double it’s a triple yeah,
My favorite, dangling participle
It’s not like school house rock
I jump out of bed and put on my sock
I go down to the street where people are at
Using a question mark I say, “How did everyone get so
fat?”
But there is a winning number in the lottery
Of punctuation for me
Yeah, it’s dangling participles
It’s dangling participles
It’s not a double it’s a triple
Not a sip it’s a nipple
My dangling participle
Charlie, can you tell us what punctuation sounds like in a
melody?
That’s very nice… Brandon? Can you tell us what punctuation sounds like in the
rhythm, bass guitar?
Chuck, can you tell us what punctuattion sounds like in
the percussion, and drum?
No.
Thank you.
I’ll put into parenthesis the thoughts I have I don’t want
to share
I’ll put into parenthesis the things I wouldn’t say out
loud
But if I wanted to shout, I’d put it in quotes with an
exlamation point
But my favorite I would always go back to
My favorite of all punctuation, is the one that gives me
So much grammatical elation
The dangling participles
The dangling participles
Let’s go and call Mr. Whipple
I’ve got dangling participles
Dangling participles
Dangling participles
Dangling participles
Dangling….
I’m not even gonna get into my colon
Period. Question
mark.
Down with the mansk
Down with the mansk
Down with the mansk!
Down with the mansk! Down with the mansk!
You may not know what went…
You may not care
Better you wake up
…never mind
Down with the mansk
Down with the mansk! Down with the mansk!
You may not know where they go
You may not [?]
It might not have nothing to do with you
Down with the mansk!
Down with the mansk!
Down with… the mansk!
Down with the mansk, down, down with the mansk
Oh no I’m, down with
The mansk
Down with the mansk!!
It was a smokey night, out on Interstate 12
A roadside bar filled with drunken… hicks-neck people
And as the music played on the crowd began to go wild
People, were out of control
There was a knock on the door, a stranger came in
No one could see his face, no one could… see his clothes
A light came around him
He said, “Everyone, step back
I will show you all just what I do.”
He’s got to shed the light….
Down with the mansk!
Well, it feeds on itself
Yeah! It feeds on itself
Round and round and round and round and round and round
and round and round and round and round and round
It feeds on itself
Round and round and round and round and round and round…
It feeds on itself
It feeds on itself
It feeds on itself, oh no, no
There’s nowhere to go, there’s nowhere to turn
All we know is it sounds like hell, yeah, it feeds on
itself
Nothing! Nothing sounds good, fuck it
All we know is that it sounds like hell
It feeds on itself, it feeds on itself
Nowhere to turn, it feeds on itself no, no way out
Can you tell? It feeds on itself, it feeds on
No way to tell, it feeds on itself
YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH!
It feeds on itself!
It feeds on itself, it feeds on
Nowhere to turn, it feeds on itself
No way to tell, no way that sounds like him
No way to tell yeah, no way to tell yeah yeah, it feeds on
itself!
It feeds…
It feeds on itself
It feeds on itself