Peaches and Cream

Lyrics for the “Popular Science Dictates” boxed set

 

 

 

 

Legend

 

Black                Cream

Red                  Treehorse

Green               #6

Lavender         Fingers O’Reilly

 

 

 

 

The Front Guy

 

Though you may despise me, I don’t even have to try

I attract all types of anger, I attract all types of guys

And though it’s hard to tell where the anger stops, and the admiration… begins

Because I know that you may all despise me,

The simple fact is you will want to be me in the end

 

Cause I’m the front guy, I’m the front guy

I may be big and white, but I’m the front guy

 

I’ve got all the chicks, I’ve got all the front part of the stage…

…or the carpet, or whatever we’re playing on that night

And though the room may be filled with six or seven people (yeah)

Half of them may be drunk, but you still want to be me

 

Cause I’m the front guy, I’m the front guy

Though I stand down in the sun and cry

I’m still the front guy, yeah I’m the front guy

You may think I’m sensitive about my looks, but I’m still the front guy

 

It’s not hard to tell where the anger starts, and admiration stops

Though the crowd of six or seven dies down

Don’t you worry cause that’s where the beat drops…

 

I’m the front guy, yeah I’m the front guy

I’m always the one who gets drunk or high

I can’t take it, I won’t make it I’m the front guy

Yeah I’m the front guy, the front guy….

 

Front guy (x3), I’m the one

 

(reprise)

 

I’m the front guy, I’m the front guy

There’s no reason I should stand and cry

I may forget a line, I may forget a note

But I’m the one who’s got the package he’s got to tote, the front guy

 

 

 

The Master of Blame

 

(master of blame! master of blame!)

 

Last summer, when I went to Tibet

I was crossing some desert… I forget

Bumped into a man, he said he had a plan (for my life)

I followed him back to his hut, I looked at him take off his robe

He had a nice shiny butt, and two pairs of crazy ear lobes

 

He looked at me in the eye and said, “Do you know who I am?

I’m the Master of Blame… I’m the Master of Blame.

 

“Pick a problem in the world, I’ll tell you who’s fault it is:

There’s a hole in the ozone, it’s because the President of the United States uses hair spray

There’s a shortage of newspapers in Libya, it’s because they have no toilet paper

There are no dogs in Vietnam, but you can get a steak 24 hours a day

There are people starving everywhere… but that problem’s been solved

 

“We have got their food here, I’m the Master of Blame (faux backing vocal: food here!), I’m the Master of Blame

You’ve come to the right place to get all the answers of life:

Why isn’t there more sex on cable?

That one I don’t know….

 

Ahhh… this is my story, I’m the Master of Blame

 

“There I was, many years ago, and everyone was blaming me

I decided to turn the tables on them

Now I’m the Master of Blame

I know who to blame for everything:

 

“You can blame rap music on the rappers

You can blame soul music on the soulsters

You can blame me, for everything else

 

“I am the Master of Blame

Don’t touch my guilt, it is the spark to my flame!

I’m the Master, I’m the bastard, I’m the Master

Of blame

The bastard

Of blame

I’m the Bastard of Blame

 

 

 

Strange Chicken

 

(*various chicken sounds throughout*)

 

Strange chicken

Strange poultry

 

Strange chicken

Strange poultry

 

[Part II, Strange Chicken:Directors’ Cut]

 

“Strange Chicken”, take one….

It’s, uh “Strange Chicken”, take two….

Clear the set… everyone, alright, gimme some lights…

Bring out the dancing girls… alright, come on, bring out Tom Cruise….

I want to see some action!  I want to see some… adventure!

Yeah, this is one strange chicken versus another… strange chicken

 

 

 

1, 2, 3, 4... GO! (Skirt The Issue/Neighbor Fucker)

 

1, 2, 3, 4… GO! [ad infinitum, with confusion added by Treehorse]

 

Her name was Betty Sue, and I knew her

One day I asked what she liked to do

She said, (“I like to bitch!”) “Come on down,

And let me show you my back”

 

Skirt the issue, Skirt the issue

Her skirt was the issue

 

My mother told me to look out for girls like that

If I was a mouse, she was a cat

She put her claw on my tail

And I would ride her to hell….

 

[at this point the phone rings, and the Tale of the Neighbor Fucker is complete]

 

 

 

The Sugar Candy Factor

 

Strawberry, lemon-lime, sunny colored on my sidewalk

I wa… [dissolves into laughter]

 

[nineteen seconds of playing, dissolving into laughter before beginning new verse]

 

[fifty nine seconds of light playing and discussion, as well as a little full playing]

 

Strawberry, blueberry, taffy roll-up and caramel… wha… [laughter dissolve number three… I hope you’re keeping count as there will be a quiz later]

 

[suggestion is made that the song be re-titled “The Sugar Candy Gay Factor”; thirteen additional seconds of playing]

 

Strawberry, blueberry, sugar lemon lime… hurh… [laughter]

Caramel on a… stuh… [laughter]

Happy-smiley-go-lucky, clouds in the sunshine caramuh… [laughter]

[incoherent laughing-singing]

ON A STICK!!!!

 

IT’S THE SUGAR CANDY FACTOR

YOU DON’T GET IT EATING BROCCOLI!

 

Sun on my shoulder walking down the street

Pop rock in my pocket, never know when to knock it

Strawberry, blueberry, lemon lime, caramel rolled up on a stick

Always looking for another [?boin?]

 

And when I think about the sad things in my life

I retreat to a place I can call my own

It’s the sugar factor, it’s the sugar factor… the sugar candy factor

 

Blueberry, strawberry, sugar lemon lime, corn on a caramel

Rolled up in my pocket just makes me feel better

Nothing like a jolly rancher when I’ve sucked on it

Drop it down on my best friends’ sweater

 

And when I think of all the things that get me down

Like people beating up on me, or shooting me up

I retreat to a place they call the sugar candy factor

I repeat, never wanna find my never wanna sugar candy factor

Sugar candy factor

Sugar candy factor

 

Sugar candy factor

My sugar candy factor

No one knows what kind of reactor…

My sugar candy factor

Sugar candy factor

 

(Beautiful!)

 

 

 

Dinner’s Comin’ Up

 

Never before, never again, never walk down the straight line

Comin’ out the other side in the land of the lost

It’s rainin’ somethin’ fierce, don’t know what to do

All I know is how much this all costs

 

Never before, never again

Never thinkin’ what to do with my life

All I know is that I had an in

And I can’t help, but make it twice

 

Dinner’s comin’ up right about now

Thinkin’ about the things you told me

Dinner’s comin’ up right… ‘bought now

Thinkin’ about the things in my life

 

Never before, never again, walkin’… wanderin’ down the street,

Wonderin’ what to do

Lookin’ for my car that I lost last night

Wonderin’ about “where are you”

If you’re thinkin’, are you double-crossed

I put my hand in my pocket and I get lost

Can you tell me which way to go

If you don’t I won’t make it to my show

 

Dinner’s comin’ up right about now

It’s eight o’clock and I’m getting on the bus, yeah

Dinner’s comin’ up right about now

All I know, IT’S TIME TO GET LOST!

 

Dinner’s comin’ up and I’ve found the right way to go

Dinner’s comin’ up and I’m on it now, and I know which way to go

Dinner’s comin’ up right about now

And you’re thinking that it’s time to go

Dinner’s comin’ up, never thinkin’ about

Never know, never, way to go

Dinner’s comin’ up

 

 

 

Popular Science Dictates

 

Popular science might tell you that contrary to popular belief

That asprin won’t heal psoriasis or mental fatigue

And popular science might not contribute to

The atom smashing capability of the human race

 

I can’t feel the need to second guess ourself

 

Popular beliefs might dictate that there are no places for the

Dinosaurs when they came to Pearl Harbor

And any men [?never been with a?] trash can full of moon pies

And [?]

 

I can’t figure out why there is nothing left but

The sound of a tree growing in the forest, has been

Destroyed by a fire

 

I can’t comprehend the way that I am put together

As if I were an hourglass, or switch, or made of wood

If there were… if there were thoughts left in the world

If there were sentiments left in the world, I might go home

I might go home and cry

 

Can you tell me, can you tell me, can you tell me

 

I can’t… I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone home

In a tit

 

Can you tell me if I were made of glass

How many licks would it take to get to the center of a lollipop

Can you say that I was, not made to drop?

If I were counting on the way that we might get together

In the backseat of my mind I might

Count on the fact that you were counting on me

And then I run, call your bluff

 

Why is it that there are no more stuffed animals on the shelf?

Why is it that children don’t ever play together anymore?

Why is it that we’re fascinated by technology, tech-na-logy

Techno…lodgy?

 

Because the word is four syllables and it begins with the letter

“T”, and when it ends with “Y” you ask… “why?”

I didn’t make the word, I just spelled it for you

And that you can remember and take to the bank

 

Because popular science dictates there are no more animals

That start with the letter “Q”

And popular science dictates that there are no more vitamins

That begin with the letter “W” and end with the letter “G”

And that may be the end of mankind as we know it

 

If you call my name I won’t answer you, if you call my name

WHAT!?

I won’t answer you….

 

Hey! Hey! Hey!

 

If you stand on your soapbox long enough, your feet wil begin to buckle

If you stand on the front steps of your house, your feet will begin to buckle

If you stand for something more than the law, your feet will begin to buckle

I happen to believe my feet are buckling, so I’m getting down, I’m getting down

I’m getting down….

 

Who said the President’s dead?

Who said that the sun is sterile, the sky is blue?

Who said that peanuts are actually in the meat family?

Who said fresh fish is packaged at the store?

Who said the button is always on?

Who said the lights always are on?

Who said there’s not enough food in China?

Who said there’s no freedom in France?

Who said any of those things… I don’t know, I don’t know

 

Popular science would say that though the sun is close,

It’s not close enough

My dad used to say, “Son, don’t believe that crap,

You can’t believe everything you read”

I, however… think you can

 

 

 

Dangling Participles

 

There are ways to tell others how you feel

But when you write it down it doesn’t seem quite so real

So you might use some signs to turn it on

Maybe a exclamation point, or a question mark to turn your life around

 

When I want to tell my friends how I really feel

My favorite punctuation is dangling particples

Dangling participles

It’s nothing like furry nipples

Yeah, dangling participles

 

When my friend Bobby has something at his house

I would put a little sign to let him know that it is his

And if I wanted to break up a phrase I’d use a comma

Even though I wouldn’t want to start any drama

 

But my favorite, yes my favorite

Is the dangling participle

It’s nothing like furry nipples

My dangling participles

 

Don’t [?put?] me on my lip’l

I’ve got a dangling participle

It’s not a double it’s a triple yeah,

My favorite, dangling participle

 

It’s not like school house rock

I jump out of bed and put on my sock

I go down to the street where people are at

Using a question mark I say, “How did everyone get so fat?”

 

But there is a winning number in the lottery

Of punctuation for me

 

Yeah, it’s dangling participles

It’s dangling participles

It’s not a double it’s a triple

Not a sip it’s a nipple

My dangling participle

 

Charlie, can you tell us what punctuation sounds like in a melody?

That’s very nice… Brandon?  Can you tell us what punctuation sounds like in the

rhythm, bass guitar?  Chuck, can you tell us what punctuattion sounds like in

the percussion, and drum?

 

No.

 

Thank you.

 

I’ll put into parenthesis the thoughts I have I don’t want to share

I’ll put into parenthesis the things I wouldn’t say out loud

But if I wanted to shout, I’d put it in quotes with an exlamation point

But my favorite I would always go back to

 

My favorite of all punctuation, is the one that gives me

So much grammatical elation

 

The dangling participles

The dangling participles

Let’s go and call Mr. Whipple

I’ve got dangling participles

Dangling participles

Dangling participles

Dangling participles

Dangling….

 

I’m not even gonna get into my colon

Period.  Question mark.

 

 

 

Down With the Mansk

 

Down with the mansk

Down with the mansk

Down with the mansk!

Down with the mansk! Down with the mansk!

 

You may not know what went…

You may not care

Better you wake up

…never mind

 

Down with the mansk

Down with the mansk! Down with the mansk!

 

You may not know where they go

You may not [?]

It might not have nothing to do with you

 

Down with the mansk!

Down with the mansk!

Down with… the mansk!

 

Down with the mansk, down, down with the mansk

Oh no I’m, down with

The mansk

Down with the mansk!!

 

It was a smokey night, out on Interstate 12

A roadside bar filled with drunken… hicks-neck people

And as the music played on the crowd began to go wild

People, were out of control

 

There was a knock on the door, a stranger came in

No one could see his face, no one could… see his clothes

A light came around him

He said, “Everyone, step back

I will show you all just what I do.”

He’s got to shed the light….

 

Down with the mansk!

 

 

 

It Feeds on Itself

 

Well, it feeds on itself

Yeah! It feeds on itself

Round and round and round and round and round and round

and round and round and round and round and round

It feeds on itself

Round and round and round and round and round and round…

It feeds on itself

 

It feeds on itself

It feeds on itself, oh no, no

There’s nowhere to go, there’s nowhere to turn

All we know is it sounds like hell, yeah, it feeds on itself

 

Nothing! Nothing sounds good, fuck it

All we know is that it sounds like hell

 

It feeds on itself, it feeds on itself

Nowhere to turn, it feeds on itself no, no way out

Can you tell? It feeds on itself, it feeds on

No way to tell, it feeds on itself

 

YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH!

It feeds on itself!

It feeds on itself, it feeds on

Nowhere to turn, it feeds on itself

 

No way to tell, no way that sounds like him

No way to tell yeah, no way to tell yeah yeah, it feeds on itself!

 

It feeds…

It feeds on itself

It feeds on itself